What it's really like to be pregnant

I've been meaning to blog again for a while...I guess 2 years is a long while. Life gets so busy when you're living it to the fullest I guess. With renovations done, well for now at least, the backyard in full bloom (pictures to follow). We are now preparing to welcome a new addition to our family of four, a little baby boy yet to be named.  For now he's known as Chili as named by my lovely niece. Funny thing you learn during pregnancy is that people are quick to offer advice, express opinions and share horrible birth stories out of the goodness of their hearts. What they don't exactly tell you about is what happens during pregnancy. It's almost as if they are embarrassed about certain things that are actually quite funny. What they do tell you is about morning sickness, how magical it is to feel the baby's movements, swelling, discomfort and in some cases, tearing from head to toe.  I'm here to tell you about the other stuff. The stuff that for some reason never gets shared in public despite it's occasional hilarity. So sit back, grab a drink of choice and let me tell you about what pregnancy is really like:

The Turtle Flip - One of the first things I noticed was not being able to get out of bed without feeling like a turtle on it's back. Having been in good shape prior to pregnancy sitting up in bed was never an issue until one day I found myself flapping my limbs around unable to just sit up as I did. Now it probably sounds awful but truthfully I can tell you that once you get over the shock, it's actually quite funny especially, I'd imagine, if you were watching this entire scenario from another person's perspective. I've always had a love for all living creatures but now I have a new respect for those that get flipped on their backs and unable to get up.

The Surprise Vomit - Morning sickness is one thing but at some point heart burn kicks in.  Now you may be rolling your eyes and thinking "yea that's nothing new".  Well before you skip over this one, I want to tell you what the heartburn does in addition to just sucking. It creates what I refer to as the "Mentos/Coke effect". Oh yes you read it here folks. Imagine yourself sitting there not nauseous and just minding your business and BOOM vomit comes out all over you and your surroundings and you are just confused and unable to register what has just happened. Again, Oh if I was a fly on the wall.

Where was I? - Then there are the dreams. Oh the dreams that come with those lovely hormones. I remember a few where I was holding this baby in my arms thinking you are the most beautiful creature in the world. Then realizing that I'm only a few months pregnant and confused about how this baby is full grown and why you don't recall being there to birth this lovely creature.  I call it wishful thinking because somehow I doubt that you wouldn't notice the grand exist..no matter how hard you try.

Tooting The Horn - You fart like a trucker.  Yes I said it. I remember laughing at my dogs because they fart themselves awake then look around confused followed by an accusing look like I'm the culprit. Now I understand. At first you have control and you just don't care...but then comes a point where you don't even know you were gassy or that you farted. You're just sitting there, minding your business and perhaps turn your head a little too fast and that's when it happens. It's loud and proud and with your luck it always happens in the party of people you just don't have that sort of comfort with. You feel somewhat ashamed but then if you're me, you burst out laughing like an idiot because hell if you can't laugh at yourself then who can you laugh at??!!

The Charlie Horse Wake Up Call - I ran my first, and last, half marathon a couple of years ago and as I hit the 18 km mark, my body decided to rebel and I experienced a full body charlie horse.  It was excruciating to say the least but in my mind quitting is never an option and I pushed myself through it thinking I never want to experience that again.  Fast forward two years, almost to the anniversary day of that lovely experience come to think of it, I get a rude wake up call of a charlie horse in my calf at 5 am. If you know me you know I'm not exactly alert when I wake up. So getting woken up with this flash of pain that won't quit all I can do is scream and breath like I'm in labour and my poor husband wakes up not knowing what is wrong and unable to get a single word of explanation out of me thinks I've gone into labour but not sure why I have my leg up in the air and flapping my arms like a bird.

The Ass Kicking - I remember the first time I felt our little munchkin move and I won't lie, it was magical! In fact it still makes me smile when I see my belly jump or just feel him doing whatever it is he's doing in there to amuse himself. This is not news of course.  What you don't hear is this. Sometimes I feel like he's kicking me in the ass hole.  Yes that right in the corn hole!!!! You're probably sitting there wondering what that must feel like. Well it kind of feel like if you're poo decided to fight you for trying to evict it.  Awesome I know!  Another kicking story, our Dog Zoya is a big fan of snuggling and she often rests her head on our stomachs.  Well until a while ago where she got the karate kid kick in the head from the baby...and I got the stink eye like I was the culprit.  Since then she doesn't seems to trust the belly much and who can blame her.

Crave much? - I've always been one to ask everyone if they are craving anything strange and for the most part no one around me has. Except my aunt who really enjoyed dirt. I started off craving food which is still here. Mind you that's no different from my normal state it's just now I can out eat all the men in my family in a sitting.  A few weeks ago I went to feed the Dogs and the minute I opened the dog food, all I could think was "WOW that smells amazing" and before I knew it I had to stop myself from reaching down and grabbing a fist full as the poor little guys looked at me thinking "I thought we didn't share food".  I did manage to stop myself but it still smells amazing and there a couple of people (you know who you are!!) that are still very pro me eating dog food for their amusement. NOT HAPPENING..well unless I can't find anything else in the house. You think I'm kidding!

Stroller vs Little Red Wagon - In my mission to find a light weight compact stroller I found myself in the midst of a total break down in the middle of Toys R Us unable to figure out how to fold the damn things up and when I managed to do that, unfolding them was another chapter in that challenge. In the end I was close to decided to the little red wagon path instead..luckily I have lovely friends with kids who were able to provide guidance. There has to be a better way!!!

Call Me Judge Judy - Hearing other pregnant women say "Oh I'm so fat, I've gained weight". Need I say more.

Some People are Just Sweet as a peach Cobbler -  I tend to hibernate during the winter which means my neighbours are now seeing me with a big belly and in an effort to not be rude they react with confused looks with eyes darting from my belly to my face and ask "errr so what's...new" and I being the jerk that I am respond with "Oh nothing you know same old same old" and let laugh hysterically on the inside until I've made them feel awkward enough and finally put them out of their misery by saying "yes I'm pregnant my diet has not changed" and they let out a big sigh of relief and inform me that they didn't want to be rude and ask just in case not realizing that their eyes betrayed them long ago.


That's all for now I guess. Stay tuned for more of life at 18 Emerson.