Too Crunchy to Cry It Out

When I was a little girl, my mom came home with one of those baby dolls that had a tape that made them cry or laugh depending on which side of the tape you had on. I remember falling in love with that doll right away. My mom was a bit shocked to be truthful because as a general rule of thumb I wasn't the doll loving kinda girl. I was a Tom boy from a very young age, growing up in a country in the midst of an epic war. My toy collection mostly consisted of toy guns, trucks swords etc. That doll, however was different for some reason. It changed me. I quickly decided I would have the laughter on all the time because when the doll cried it made me really sad. I swear, It broke my heart. I just couldn't bear to hear that cry.

Fast forward nearly 30 years, I'm a mother to an awesome little boy and when he cries, it takes me back. It breaks my heart and I want to put his laughter side of the tape on when I can. Unfortunately crying seems to go hand in hand with sleep "training" which is where we're at right now. Being the nerdy trainer that I am, I like to learn everything there is to know about a task before I take that knowledge, mix it up, make it my own and execute. I started reading, asking questions and just taking in all this "data" to learn everything about all methods of sleep coaching out there.  The most common advice and literature available is to let him cry it out. Some say stay in the room and do it others say close the door and do it but either way the best way to do it, most say, is Cry It Out. So That's how I started. And it took me a split second to decide it's not for me. I actually went out of my comfort zone and tried it the full day but it just isn't for me. I'm not saying it doesn't work; I know many parents that have done this successfully and they have perfectly healthy children who are well balanced and do not hate them by any means so it obviously works. It's just not for me. It took me back to my little doll and I felt that anxiety again and I just am not okay with it. It's me, not the method. So realizing and accepting this I remembered the best piece of parenting advice we got from some friends and family members and that was "Do what works for you regardless of what everyone tells you you SHOULD do".  So I went back to the drawing board to see of there's a mother way. At this point I should mention I was raised by parents with borderline hippie ideologies so needless to say they think I'm nuts for even trying but that's another story. Bottom line is I was not exposed to sleep coaching/ training. I slept in my own room, I didn't co sleep with my parents, I grew up without dependency issues in fact I'm more of a hermit than anything. I eventually learned to sleep and nap and all in all I grew up fine. So there is another way. I'm not the only one who was raised this way. I do require more structure though so I decided I have to find my own balance. What is that balance? I don't know yet. I guess Val and I have to figure out what really works best in our life for both of us but bottom line is I'm just too damn crunchy to Cry It Out. I believe in osteopaths and naturopaths. I breast feed in public. I wear my baby boy every chance I get. I spend a crap load of time singing some Kumbaya shit around the camp fire. I use organic non toxic products that are mostly local. I eat humane meat and avoid products that aren't cruelty free. I bike to work, I walk where I can, I do Yoga, I eat off my garden (Val's the gardener I forget to water things) in the summer and talk about my freaking feelings. Don't get me wrong I'm not fully crunchy, I don't co sleep, I won't be breast feeding when he's 10, I still drive where I need to, I'm not vegan, PETA has told me to honk on Bobo (no joke they really did) and I have fancy appliances. All I'm saying is I'm just too crunchy to cry it out. So I continue with my sleep coaching (notice the softer use of words) journey and though truthfully it scares and intimidates me a bit, it shall get done.

Before becoming a mother I did a lot of chirping. "I won't let kids change my life" "I'll still..." "I will put them on such n such schedule" so on and so forth...I have now placed all those statements in a bowl with my crunchy ass granola and I'm eating them with my organic non dairy milk alternative.