What it's really like to be pregnant - the home stretch is all about stretching one's patience

AHHHH the home stretch. It's what every pregnant woman waits for in anticipation of the safe arrival of the little monkey that spends nearly 10 months, oh yes it's almost 10, moving, rolling and kicking around in your belly. This is the point when the cute belly has turned into a giant medicine ball that seems to grow heavier by the second. The point where no matter how much you embrace motherhood and pregnancy, you no longer want any photo's of you taken, or displayed under any circumstance. Yet people not realizing that the mere image of yourself frightens you may from time to time decide to "surprise" you with so called candid pics that they think are so adorable. As always I'm here to tell you the truth about our psychological state at this point in the game and the possible risk you are taking by speaking to, breathing near or taking photos of a woman in her last month of growing a human being.

Often we hear about cranky pregnant women. I've actually been lucky enough, as have those around me, to not be very cranky or moody.....up until now. What I'm about to tell you is the truth about why we are cranky at any point.

You see, pregnancy is different for everyone. Some get morning sickness, some don't. Some get bloated some don't. Ultimately no matter what the process looks like for any of us, there are certainly some commonalities for all of us. We are growing a whole person and that comes with anxiety, lack of booze, limitations to what we can and can not eat, people telling you you're wrong about pretty much everything you do no matter what it is, people telling you what you should do because they know best (you don't exercise enough/ you are over doing it, your diet sucks, oh you worry too much, oh a glass of wine wont hurt/ don't even think about wine etc etc.), being asked repeatedly what the name of the child is even though you have tried to tell them to wait and find out and to top it off you experience foot pain, back pain, hip pain, pelvic pain, Braxton hicks, swollen everything and pretty much any sort of pain and discomfort that can only be considered a form of torture as it only gets worse every day. Its gets even more special when you have parts of you touching each other that never did before and that really should not be touching. like your boobs and your big belly which have practically become one united nation of big stuff in the front, your thighs that can no longer be pluralized and rightfully referred to as thigh and to boot you're peeing like its going out of style and seriously considering diapers as a possible solution. It unfortunately doesn't end there, If you're unlucky enough to get diagnosed with some condition like GD, you now also have Doctors telling you you need to "prioritize" your child by taking frequent snack breaks and go for walks after meals etc. and not put work first. To that I say "Oh why thanks Doc! I'm clearly an asshole I don't know why I didn't think of just putting everything on hold because that's easy! I'll just quit my job and go for walks!" You see where I'm going with all this?! If you thinking that I sound a bit pissy, you're right I am pissy. Wouldn't you be if you were in pain everyday?being told you're wrong no matter what you do constantly and having people tell you what you should be doing like you are suddenly dumb as a door knob? Yes yes feel guilty go ahead! I do! I've surely done the same thing to my friends when they were pregnant and I apologize. I'm grateful you ladies were kind enough to not whoop me ass right then and there. So I guess what I'm trying to tell you my dear reader is that the next time you run into a pregnant friend or stranger that is not in the best mood don't make judgments, don't express your opinions and just appreciate the fact that this possibly is one of the hardest things anyone can ever do in their life time. As much as meeting this little miracle growing in my belly is the most anticipated beautiful thing ever, I also know that I'm still not done. There's more pain and learning curves and a lost  sense of self to come as we embrace and learn to be parents. It's frightening and exciting and though logically we understand your opinions, thoughts, excitement and photo sharing is not meant to be a negative thing, I will be the one to warn you that we the prego's are only seconds away from losing it one you at any time. So be ware and please do not make any sudden movements as you may just be the unlucky sucker that pays for everyone else's need to share. The next time I tell you I did yoga, ate dog food, threw up on myself, blamed you for making the sun go down too quickly, yelled at you for feeling too hot or anything else that is just not logical, just stand still and don't make eye contact. If you feel the situation escalating, don't RUN! It's for your own good we're like bears if you run it only aggravate us and we may try and mull you...mind you the extra weight does slow us down so nix that, RUN!!